1 year old son didn’t make it into surgery

My son, Theodore turned 1 this last Wednesday and had a g-tube surgery on Thursday since he’s been on a ng tube for the last few months. The surgery was fast and they didn’t see any complications and sent us home. The next morning, 24 hrs out of anesthesia, he was grunting and looking super pale. He’s the most hyper sweetest little boy that crawls everywhere but he was so lethargic. We brought him into the ER and got into the Picu. when they took him to surgery to inspect the g-tube he coded and crashed. After 5-10 minutes they got his heartbeat back and was stable. There were many tears shed and I felt so helpless this entire time. They were going to attempt to try the surgery again when he was stable since his belly was becoming more swollen. He looked to be in so much pain during this time. We made it to this Saturday morning and he was doing great. Heartbeat was good, blood pressure, etc. they started prepping for surgery at 8:30 when suddenly he coded. After 45 minutes of cpr and the surgeons attempting the surgery Theodore was unable to be resuscitated. The amount of pain I felt when he passed was horrendous. I didn’t know what to do I just wanted him to be okay. I would have given up anything for him to be okay but I was so helpless. After they made him presentable we held his lifeless body. Trying to make sense of this bad dream. My little smiley boy was gone. He fought so hard since he was born 3 months early and have other health issues. I’m stuck in the what if’s and blaming myself to not have taken him in sooner. Now I don’t know what to do for my family. I’m trying to support my wife but it’s so hard since I’m far from okay. I just want my boy back. We are also broke college kids and can’t even afford a funeral for him. I just want him back and hear his sweet laugh. What do I even do? Where do I go from here? How can I keep moving when life keeps kicking me down? Theo was my happiness, now I lost him. Sorry for the grammatical errors, I am just venting Edit: thanks for all the replies and support. I really appreciate it. I didn’t expect this to get traction and I just wanted to get it out somewhere. Thanks for being a great community. For those asking about go fund me, my aunt apparently made one without my knowledge. https://gofund.me/df62a7646 Help is appreciated but it’s over enough for a funeral