Worker Plans to Confront Accuser at Award Ceremony

Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!) Years ago, I joined a faith-based faculty group at the college where I work. Big mistake! A lay leader accused me of something I didn’t do, called a secret meeting, and “anonymously” kicked me out. Friendly gossips snitched on her and lamented that she had done this to others. Nobody believes I did anything wrong, but they also don’t want to challenge her. Because I worry she’s a loose cannon, I decided to move on with my life. Years passed. Now I’ve learned she is nominated for a faith leadership award. I haven’t said a peep in all this time, but if she wins, I thought about going to the ceremony, sitting where she’d have to see me from the stage, and then congratulating her warmly afterward. After all, I’m not supposed to know who did it, so why wouldn’t I? It feels childish, but also kind of righteous. Thoughts? —Kindness… A Dish Best Served Cold Dear Kindness … A Dish Best Served Cold, I’m sorry you got kicked out of this group. That must have hurt, especially when you had no chance to defend yourself, your friends didn’t defend you, and the process was furtive and unfair. You were right to walk away. It’s a shame that someone who banishes people has been nominated for an award, but keep walking away. It would be irritating to sit through an awards ceremony where you’d have to hear praise for her followed by a smarmy acceptance speech. If she credited her faith for guiding her leadership, you might suffer a terrible coughing fit. And if you congratulated her afterwards, she’d take it as genuine admiration because she thinks of herself as so admirable. If you were to give in to temptation and tell this person that you know she kicked you out of the group, she is just as likely to retaliate as apologize. She has even more power now that she’s won an award for faith leadership, and she might try to protect her reputation by tarnishing yours. If you know other people who have been harmed by her, invite them to get together during the awards ceremony. A counterprogramming event like a walk, meal, or movie might make it easier for all of you to boycott your nemesis’s big night, laugh about how absurd it is that she’s being recognized as a “faith leader,” and provide reality checks for one another. Get work advice—submit a question! Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Thanks! Your question has been submitted. I’m really struggling at my job, and I’m wondering if I should be. I work for a massive conglomerate, but my business unit is among the smallest at the company (I’m a team of one). My manager oversees several different products, and while they have been a great advocate for mine, it’s not a priority. I do not have access to the vast majority of resources that other products get because of my unit’s small size. On the one hand, I should feel very fortunate: I have a steady paycheck (rare in my line of work), great benefits, and relatively easy work. On the other hand, working here for a few years has made me realize: Nothing is ever enough, I’ll never get the support I need for my product to thrive, and I’ll never move up or get a real raise. It has left me feeling highly unmotivated. I know I should be happy to be in my position, but I’m not. Part of me wants to go back to freelancing, but I carry insurance for my husband (he doesn’t have access through his job) and I get a 401(k) match (my husband has no savings), so I feel trapped. Am I crazy? How do I deal? I don’t want to scare you, but your job doesn’t sound all that secure. Companies looking to save on costs often eliminate small teams, especially if your product isn’t thriving—even if that’s their fault, not yours. You’re perceiving that your project isn’t a priority for this conglomerate, even if your direct manager advocates for it. While you’re deciding whether you even want to stay, be prepared to leave this unit or this company if your job vanishes in a puff of corporate downsizing. Being a team of one can be a lonely business. Try to make more contacts across other teams at your conglomerate, both to make your work life more interesting and to open up professional opportunities. Are there collaborative projects you could start or join? Is anyone working on a product similar enough to yours that you could team up to advocate for both? Would it make sense to merge your team with another one? Beware that you would lose autonomy, but you might get more access to resources and other support. If your work is relatively easy, try to find other interesting things to do with your time, ideally without letting your boss think you’re bored or underutilized. If you see no prospects in your current company, update your resume and start looking around for other jobs just in case. If your job is, in fact, safe and it’s up to you whether to stay or not, think about your long-term plans. The steady paycheck and 401(k) match could mean you’ll be able to retire earlier or more comfortably than you would if you went back to freelancing. Is it worth working a few more unmotivated years to protect your financial security? Could you decide to stick with this job until your spouse builds up some savings? You could also decide to decide later. Take the pressure off yourself to choose right away between sticking with this job or striking out on your own, and plan to revisit the decision at the end of this year or next summer. Sock money away while you’re figuring it out so you have more flexibility if and when you decide you really need to make a change. Sign up now for Slate Plus to read all of our Good Job columns for the week. My husband works with several people who get intermittent time off through the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to help family members with medical issues. However, these people seem to be abusing the system (my husband has overheard one of them saying he just wanted a day off when he said he was on FMLA), and there are days when four people will be off, leaving the facility out of legal compliance for the number of required staff members. My husband’s boss told him that she can’t do anything about this situation. Is there anything my husband can do here? He’s going nuts trying to do the work of five people, with no advance notice that they won’t be at work that day. —I Don’t Think FMLA Covers That Dear I Don’t Think FMLA Covers That, If anyone is truly abusing FMLA, shame on them. But that’s hard to determine, even if one of your husband’s co-workers said they just needed a day off. If they legitimately qualify for FMLA, that means they’re working a job while caring for a loved one, which can be stressful and exhausting. They might need an occasional mental health day. The FMLA does require covered employees to notify employers when they’ll be out, so your husband’s boss could ask for more advance notice and make reasonable requests to schedule flexible appointments. As these employees’ peer, not their manager, your husband really can’t do anything other than ask his boss to provide clearer communications and planning to ensure the facility is staffed to meet compliance. Your husband can’t fix the scheduling chaos himself, but he could try to benefit from it. Right now, it sounds like he is stepping up and covering other people’s work while they care for family members. FMLA leave is often unpaid, which means his department is saving a lot of money on salary or hourly compensation while his co-workers take days off. His employer could use those savings to hire additional people to cover the load and take the burden off your husband. Or he could ask them to recognize his extra work by giving him a bonus, promotion, and/or raise. I’ve had a chronic illness for years that has caused me to jump around from temporary job to temporary job. I can only work about 20 hours a week. But because of this, I’ve gained a very unique set of skills that it seems might enable me to be a consultant. Last month, I started networking and found a few small jobs. After talking with a friend who does similar work, I had hoped to be able to fully support myself in the next two-three years with just part-time projects. The projects will mostly be one-two weeks in duration and I will probably only be able to work about 40 weeks a year (which is fine with me). This week, an amazing project fell into my lap…